Tag: funny

ramblings

Sold! Virgin Mary seen on a Grilled Cheese Sandwhich

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It sold for only $28,000!

To me, that is incredibly low amount for a holy relic. This sandwich is a physical embodiment of the mother of god and I don’t know what’s worse, the woman selling it or only fetching less than a top of the line Ford after selling it. Adding sacrilege to sacrilege, an online casino bought it. Christ almighty, a casino! It would be funny if they had a press conference where someone ate it live on camera. You could bet on how much time it took to eat it, if he threw up and if he’s going to hell.
You can read more about it straight from CNN.com’s mouth after the jump.
Thanks Phyl

‘Virgin Mary’ sandwich sells on eBay for $28,000. Online casino gobbles up grilled cheese icon

HOLLYWOOD, Florida (AP – 11/23/04) — A woman who said her 10-year-old grilled cheese sandwich bore the image of the Virgin Mary will be getting a lot more bread after the item sold for $28,000 on eBay.

GoldenPalace.com, an online casino, confirmed that it placed the winning bid, and company executives said they were willing to spend “as much as it took” to own the 10-year-old half-sandwich with a bite out of it.

“It’s a part of pop culture that’s immediately and widely recognizable,” spokesman Monty Kerr told The Miami Herald. “We knew right away we wanted to have it.”

Photos posted on eBay show what can be viewed as a woman’s face emblazoned on the sandwich, a bite taken out of one end. Bidding closed Monday.

In a statement, GoldenPalace.com CEO Richard Rowe said he planned to use the sandwich to raise money for charity. Kerr and Steve Baker, CEO of GoldenPalace’s management company, Cyberworld Group, flew to south Florida on Monday to make arrangements for a sandwich handover from its owner, Diana Duyser.

“I would like all people to know that I do believe that this is the Virgin Mary Mother of God,” Duyser, a work-from-home jewelry designer, said in the casino’s statement.

The online auction site initially pulled the sale, saying it didn’t post joke items. The page was restored after the company was convinced that Duyser would deliver on the bid, said eBay spokesman Hani Durzy.

Duyser said she took a bite after making the sandwich 10 years ago and saw a face staring back at her. She put the sandwich in a clear plastic box with cotton balls and kept it on her night stand. She said the sandwich has never sprouted a spore of mold.

ramblings

Neu: I Get to Hit You

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Dr. David Graham, associate director of science for the office of drug safety at the center for drug evaluation and research for the Food and Drug Administration testifies before the Senate Finance Committee and shows them what is colloquially known as “the flying asshole.”

If only George, Turtle and a few others read my blog, I could hit them too…

ramblings

Virgin Mary seen on a Grilled Cheese Sandwhich

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My co-workers alerted me to this auction for a grilled cheese sandwhich that has an image of the Virgin Mary on it. At first eBay yanked the auction thinking it was a joke but the woman protested and proved that yes, she has been sleeping with a grilled cheese sandwich on her bedside table for 10 years. It just has to be the Virgin Mary – look, no mold!

This is from the actual description: “The item has not been preserved or anything, It has been keep in a plastic case, not a special one that seals out air or potential mold or bacteria, it is like a miracle.”

The funnier part is this: go to eBay and type in “Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese” into the search box. There are now tons of auctions with Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese in the description title – they are all trying to take advantage of this crazy auction. There are non-holy grilled cheese sandwiches for sale, pics of the virgin mary for sale and even “Sexy Pantyhose NOT Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich” for sale. As my co-worker Jason just mentioned, “Why when someone sees a woman’s face on a food item, in a window, etc does that person automatically think its the Virgin Mary. What about other women, like Pat Nixon?”

Thanks Jason and Chris for illuminating my day

vocabulary

Daily Candy’s Lexicon IX

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I received these words and definitions in my inbox this morning courtesy of Daily Candy. I thought I’d share:

beighborhood
n. Area populated by good-looking people. (“Let’s go downtown. Fifth Street has turned into a total beighborhood.”)

DIZO
n. Acronym. Describes (busy, working, all-too-typical) couple: Dual Income, Zero Orgasm.

Earnest Hemorrhage
n. A man who is oppressively forthcoming with every thought and feeling. Antonym: Ernest Hemingway, linguistically stingy author.

foxymoron
n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. (“I’m so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.”)

GHaG
n. Acronym. Girl-Hating Girl. The one whose only friends are guys.

hobeau
n. A less-than-hygienic boyfriend. (“Better open the window. Here come Gloria and her hobeau.”)

nontourage
n. A group of undesirable sycophants. (“The party was fun until Justin showed up with his nontourage.”)

pharmasecrecy
n. The secret bond one has with her pharmacist. (“Only Mr. Myers knows the truth about my little Klonopin/Paxil/laxative habit.”)

showflake
n. Person who chronically misses every appointment (e.g., haircuts, doctor visits, dinners). (“Is Louisa going to show, or is she pulling a showflake again?”)

SoDeeWah
n. Socialite/designer/whatever. The model/actress/ whatever of the ’00s. You know the type.

staremaster
n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. (“If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time …”)

politics

More Election 2004 Info

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I have a feeling that I’m going to be posting info about the 2004 election for a long, long time. I still need to post about how both the Red Sox and George Bush won this year – I mean, what else will happen? Will the magnetic poles flip sometime before New Year’s Eve? That isn’t supposed to happen for another 10,000 years or so but who knows, it’s been that kind of year.

Here are two things that I was sent today that I would like to share, the first is funny and the second will really make you think:

>> A proposed cover of Time Magazine that probably won’t be published anytime soon.

>> An interesting comparison of maps. In one corner, a map of the U.S. Pre-Civil War. In the other corner, a map of how the country voted this year.

Thanks Phyllis for sending

Uncategorized

NeuCom: The Not-So-Daily Show

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From Neu:

Crossfire had Jon Stewart on last week while his TDS was running re-runs for the week. They expected him to come on the show and add some comic relief while plugging “America (The Book). Boy did they get more than they bargained for.

Of course, as a result, the blogs of the world are on fire criticizing him as a hidden leftist (insert “commie pinko” if you so desire) who disguises himself as a centrist / apolitical comedian. This is because it was Tucker Carlson (from the right) that took most of his flak. However, if you really watch it, Stewart is indicting neither the left not right, but (rightfully so) the media for just being so damn stupid.

It kept coming back to “do shows like crossfire asks the tough questions,” but I think the point Stewart was trying to make was that, regardless of the questions asked, no one presses on the answers anymore. The hard question can be asked but when it is skirted or responded to with campaign talking point fluff no one ever presses the guest / spinner (see also Chris Matthew’s grilling of Republican S. Carolin Senate candidate Jim DeMint this Sunday – here is someone who actually WON’T let the squirmer off the hook. Too bad it’s just the S.C. Senate race and a rare moment). In all honesty, Sterwart looked a bit haggard, which is probably why he was off his game, but also why he was so brutally pissed and honest to begin with that we get this golden TV moment.

Highlights include when Jon Stewart tells Tucker Carlson that he won’t “be his monkey” and when he calls Carlson a dick on live TV.

Thanks to Stewart for another shining moment of public service, and I am sorry he is getting skewered for taking off the satire suit for a moment and making a real point on the state of affairs in the modern American political machine. I am also sorry that the most lucid popular voice in American politics has a lead-in show where puppets make prank phone calls.

The link

I was also lucky enough to see Jon Stewart’s follow-up on TDS last night (now that they are back), although I did not at the time have any idea what he was referring to. He was pretty brutal there as well, and I am trying to find a link.

ramblings

Magic Hat #9 Bottle Caps

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I’ve been watching a lot of sports on TV this past week: 3 Yankee games and counting and the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets this afternoon. Sports plus TV equals Jeff drinking beer and the latest sixer I bought was Magic Hat #9, a terrific microbrew out of the Green Mountain State of Vermont. The beer is good, the web site is pretty nifty and the bottle caps have some very amusing messages on them. Here are the top 3 that I’ve read:

3) Take a Day to roll in the Hay

2) Don’t Climb a Ladder with a Full Bladder

1) To conceal a Fart is an age-old Art

I wonder if “He who Smelt it Dealt it” is on a beer that I have not yet opened…