sports

In a Ballpark, far, far away…

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The image below is totally real:

An actor playing Chewbacca threw out the ceremonial first pitch prior to a game between the Boston Red Sox and Toronto Blue Jays at Fenway Park in Boston, Wednesday Sept. 28, 2005. Chewbacca and Princess Leia were on hand to promote the Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination exhibit at the Museum of Science in Boston.

After this stunt, I swear if the Yankees lose to the Red Sox again this year I’m going to do something drastic, though I’m not sure what. Get Donnie Baseball his damn ring!

politics

And the Winner of the All Time Best Hall Pass Request Award is…

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… our president of course. He is always winning great awards such as these. I first saw the photo below on Chris’s site and it has been much blogged about. I thought and still think it is hysterical. See for yourself below:

I didn’t want to post it because I wasn’t sure if it was real or not and if I was in a meeting with 180 other world leaders and needed to pee, I’m not sure what I would have done either. Then, Neu swooped in, unknowing, and sent me an article from Photo District News titled “Reuters Explains Photo Of Bush Bathroom Note” verifying it and voila! I love the statement that Reuters gave:

“The photographer and editors on this story were looking for other angles in their coverage of this event, something that went beyond the stock pictures of talking heads that these kind of forums usually offer. This picture certainly does that.”

Indeed. I don’t really has anything else to add on this one.

Via Chris and Neu

ramblings

Landlord Sues Restaurateurs Over Ghosts

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I just had to post something funny – too much Katrina coverage can really keep you in a dark mood. This was filed by the AP yesterday:

Landlord Sues Restaurateurs Over Ghosts

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) — The owners of a Japanese restaurant who claim their newly renovated building is haunted are being sued by their landlord for refusing to move in.

An offer to hold an exorcism was refused, according to the 2.6 million dollar lawsuit filed by the owners of the Church Street Station entertainment complex last month in Orange County Circuit Court.

The lawsuit also asks a judge to decide whether the building is haunted and, if so, whether the ghosts would interfere with the restaurant’s business.

Christopher and Yoko Chung had planned to move their Amura Japanese Restaurant into the building in October 2004, but backed out of the lease.

The Chungs’ attorney says subcontractors gave several documented reports of having seen ghosts or apparitions in the restaurant at night. The attorney also says Christopher Chung’s religious beliefs require him to ”avoid encountering or having any association with spirits or demons.”

Thanks Jessie for making me smile – something I haven’t done too much of lately

literature

Liberality For All

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A new comic titled “Liberality For All” is launching in October. Its premise is slightly more original than the usual “I was bitten by a radioactive spider” deal:

It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression by ultra-liberal extremists which have yielded governing authority to the United Nations. It is up to an underground conservative group (known as F.O.I.L.) led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North to thwart Ambassador Usama Bin Laden’s plans to nuke New York City.

The big idea behind the series is what if today’s anti-war liberals were in charge of the American government and had been since 9/11? What would be the results of fighting “a more sensitive war on terror” and looking to the corrupt United Nations to solve all of America ‘s problems? I can think of only two words – “Oy vey.” My favorite part is how “Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy and Oliver North are each uniquely endowed with special abilities devised by a bio mechanical engineer affectionately nicknamed ‘Oscar’.” Gotta love that First Amendment thang.

Thanks go to Mr. Neu for making my day. I’m going to have to get this book and just laugh my liberal ass off…

ramblings

Old Enough To Know Better

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From the “I Don’t Know What To Say” Department:

Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.

According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.

The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.

“Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this,” Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald. The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury. Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident.

I would surmise the motive was to goon it up. This crime reeks of goonage to me. I bet his friends can’t wait for his 40th birthday party. Hopefully that’ll make the papers as well.

Via Todd

ramblings

I’m Gonna Get Medieval On Yo Ass

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It seems that Michigan resident Robert McClain thought that his four-foot sword, chainmail armored vest, leather gauntlets and giant wooden mallet would be able to best the local police department.

“I’m gonna crush your fucking skulls,” Michigan resident Robert McClain warned police officers when they trailed him to his home after an auto accident. “I have a thousand years of power.”

It seems that a non-enchanted taser is more powerful than all of those put together, millennium worth of power be damned.

Thanks Phyl

ramblings

Who Doesn't Love Sexually Loaded Yiddishisms?

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The NY Times has an interesting article today about Krazy Tyrone, ne Paul Krohn, who is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look, it is derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker) the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers.

After the jump, read the full article about this latest “last of a dying breed.”

August 5, 2005

From the Catskills’ Last House Jester, Kosher Corn

By Andrew Jacobs

MONTICELLO, N.Y., Aug. 3 – Blanche Pearlman and Mary Borack were moving slowly through the lobby of Kutsher’s Country Club on their way to bingo when they were ambushed by the man in the tutti-frutti-patterned Spandex unitard, striped leggings and gold Star of David around his neck.

“Nice purse, ladies,” said the man, known in these parts as Krazy Tyrone. “You got some Danish in there?” They tried to wave him off, but Krazy Tyrone is not so easily thwarted. “Do you believe in sex before marriage?” he asked. “I don’t,” came the answer before they could respond. “It holds up the wedding.”

He had just started telling Mrs. Pearlman that she was so sweet that she could give a man diabetes when the public address system ruined his punch line.

“Alfred Silverman to the front desk. Alfred Silverman to the front desk.”

The momentary distraction gave the women a chance to escape and Krazy Tyrone was left to find other victims, including a corpulent man with a cane who was told: “You’re a nice advertisement for Kutsher’s food. You’re eating like you’re going to the electric chair.”

For the last two decades, Krazy Tyrone’s life has been an unending cascade of ribald one-liners, sexually loaded Yiddishisms and of course, a daily Simon Sez tournament where the come-on is $1,000 in moist prize money that’s kept wadded up in his sock. “I’m so good, no one has ever won,” he said pulling out a harmonica and playing “Oh Susannah” with his right nostril.

A startlingly flamboyant man who moves like Pee-wee Herman on amphetamines, Krazy Tyrone, n� Paul Krohn, is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. When he is not playing host to trivia contests or demonstrating his jump-rope prowess by the pool, Mr. Krohn can be found at one of the hotel’s Ping-Pong tables playing with the skillet or rubber hand he keeps stowed in his duffel bag of tricks. When bored, he’ll have other staff members take photos of him hamming it up next to guests who have fallen asleep on one of the hotel’s many sofas. “Hey lady,” he’ll shout across the cavernous lobby. “How did Captain Hook die? He had jock itch and scratched himself with the wrong hand.” Many of his favorite quips, most of them unprintable, involve breasts.

Mr. Krohn’s occupation is unique to the borscht belt, where hundreds of hotels and bungalow colonies competed for the affections of the millions of New York City Jews who made the Catskills their summer refuge before air-conditioning, cheap airfare and changing tastes drained the region of its lifeblood.

The hotel tummler (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look) was often a steppingstone to bigger careers in comedy. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers. Others, like Mr. Krohn, 49, never left the mountains, although he makes frequent freelance appearances at nearby Hasidic bungalow colonies or at lavish bar mitzvahs in New Jersey, where his Simon Sez challenge is a big draw. “I like to frustrate spoiled Jewish kids,” he said grinning. “They all think they’re so smart but no one ever lasts a minute.”

Before he was hired at Kutsher’s in 1986, he worked at Grossinger’s, until that hotel went the way of countless other borscht belt landmarks. Although a handful of big hotels survive, none of the others have a full-time entertainer. “I’m the last of the great tummlers,” Mr. Krohn said as he slipped a whoopee cushion beneath the bottom of an unsuspecting guest. “After I go, that’s it.”

During the apex of Catskill culture in the 1940’s, 50’s and 60’s, as many as 100 hotels employed tummlers, who would work in exchange for room and board and a modest salary. Part resident comic, part activities director, part hotel cheerleader, the tummler – derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker – was expected to field guest complaints, organize talent shows, jump into the pool fully clothed or dash screaming through the lobby pursued by a knife-wielding chef.

Mr. Krohn is seemingly beloved by the regulars at Kutsher’s, although Mark Kutsher, who runs the sprawling 400-room place with his mother, Helen, winces at some of Mr. Krohn’s more off-color antics. “Sometimes I’m afraid of what he’s going to say,” he said, as Mr. Krohn darted through the lobby, late as usual, to Simon Sez.

June Macklin, a retired business owner from Queens who has been vacationing in the Catskills for five decades, said Mr. Krohn was part of the reason she kept coming back. “It’s a compulsion, this culture,” she said. Then glancing around the nearly deserted pool, she added, “and it’s dying before our very eyes.”

Mr. Krohn, too, is addicted to the place, although he has ambitions for greater stardom. Raised in Utica, N.Y., and trained as a special education teacher, he took a job at Grossinger’s at age 25 and became the assistant to Lou Goldstein, the self-proclaimed king of Simon Sez. One day when Mr. Goldstein had a nasty bout of sciatica, Mr. Krohn filled in for him and guests began clamoring for his absurdist style.

An exercise fanatic who runs and lifts weights daily, Mr. Krohn became a jump-rope superstar, landing in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most skips (332) per minute. He also excels at table tennis – he was once nationally rated – and can speak eight languages and offer up facts about world capitals, American presidents and other arcana with the rapid-fire delivery of an auctioneer. (“There are 360 dimples on a golf ball, 119 grooves on a quarter, 1,752 steps on the Eiffel Tower. …”)(Actually, there are 1,665 steps, according to the tower’s official Web site.)

His other hobby is being a compulsive flirt, and some of his most prized possessions are his snapshots of comely guests and seasonal hotel employees. He was married once, to a Briton who he says left him after she got her green card, and he still pines for a woman who died in a car accident many years ago. “I haven’t loved anyone since,” he said. Most nights, when everyone else is asleep, he takes her photo to the hill behind the golf course and stares at the sky for hours. He rarely sleeps more than two hours a night, he says, and refuels with quick naps between acts.

Home is a small room at the hotel, its walls covered with lime green shag carpeting, its closets stuffed with tools of the trade: a screechy violin, a battery-powered dancing rabbi and a dog-eared ventriloquist’s dummy named T. J. Justin Sinclair. There is also a Hershey’s Kiss outfit, 42 pairs of running shoes and a photo of him urinating behind the Hollywood home of Joan Collins. “I’m not normal,” he said, deadpan.

He is, by his own description, a melancholy man, albeit a good actor who can shine on cue. “I think about suicide a lot,” he said, sitting in his room during a break in his funnyman routine. “My final quest is to get on the Letterman show and then I’ll have nothing to live for.”

There was not much time for self-pity, however. A busload of elderly women had just arrived and Mr. Krohn was expected at a 3:45 p.m. event headlined “Trivia Time With Krazy Tyrone, the Master of Memory.” Realizing he was late again, he dropped the dummy, pulled on a red, white and blue spangled outfit and headed out the door dragging his duffel bag. “Hey lady,” he shouted at the first person he saw, “You got a Danish in that purse?”

ramblings

The Only 2 Special Guest Voices on the Simpsons, Ever.

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I don’t remember how I ended up at the Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers site today and I really don’t care. Of course I loved it and poked around for a while. I even gained some more knowledge about my favorite yellow family that I felt like sharing. In the FAQ section, there is a question “Who are Sam Etic and John Jay Smith, and why were they credited as special guest voices?”

The answer is that “Sam Etic” (a play on ‘semitic’) is really Dustin Hoffman. He played Mr. Bergstrom in Lisa’s Subsitute in season 2. “John Jay Smith” is really Michael Jackson. He did the “Michael Jackson” voice for mental patient Leon Kompowski in Stark Raving Dad in season 3, although his singing was done by session vocalist Kipp Lennon, since Jackson’s record company forbade him from singing himself. Both performers could not use their names because of contractual obligations.

This was pointed out in a meta-reference in the season 4 episode Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie, when Lisa mentions that Hoffman and Jackson had guest roles in the movie: “Of course they didn’t use their real names, but you could tell it was them!”

After Stark Raving Dad, Matt Groening, fearing a trend, would only let guest stars on if they used their real names.

I always thought that it was MJ in that episode but never had 100% confirmation. Now I do. Yay.

tech

Coq Roq

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Now this is getting just plain silly: First the Subservient Chicken, then the Sith Sense and now Coq Roqdamn I wish I worked on the Burger King interactive account! Coq Roq is the web site for a made-up band called “Fowl Mouth” – its a great flash site that advertises BK’s new Chicken Fries (I can feel my arteries clogging just having typed that). Check out the gallery area; I think it’s neat how it switches from picture to picture.

Thanks Todd for sending this to me – and to think I thought Coq Roq was a gay band…

UPDATE:

What kind of messages does this site send out, especially when it’s backed by a huge corporation? Ultimately, what it’s doing is sexualizing fast food” is just one opinion out of many about this campaign. After the jump, read about all the controversy Coq Roq has kicked up.

From AdAge:

BURGER KING’S COQROQ.COM TRIGGERS CONTROVERSY

Some Sexual Double Entendres Removed From Site Overnight

July 26, 2005 by Kate MacArthur

CHICAGO (AdAge.com) — Even though it has suddenly removed sexual double entendres from its new Web site, CoqRoq.com, Burger King today denied it had received any complaints from consumers or other outside groups.

This screen grab was taken in the ‘Gallery’ section of Burger King’s CoqRoq.com site yesterday. Today, the ‘Groupies Love the Coq’ caption was removed. The company denies it made the changes because of outside complaints. The CoqRoq.com site is linked to Burger King’s main Web site and is promoted in a new Burger King TV commercial.

Crispin Porter

CoqRoq.com, created by Crispin Porter & Bogusky, Miami, the agency that created Burger King’s Subservient Chicken site, is designed to look like the kind of crudely outrageous Web site created by a rock band.

The Web site’s double entendre name, along with the lyrics, demeanor and the sophomoric presentation of the fictitious heavy metal group, projects the illusion of something designed to offend the sensibilities of mainstream adult America.

Among other things, CoqRoq.com, which is linked directly to the main Burger King Web site, includes photo galleries with Polaroid-style shots of young girls with the handwritten captions “Groupies love the Coq” and “groupies love Coq.” Since the site went live yesterday, those captions and others have been erased from the online materials. AdAge.com took screen shots of those removed materials yesterday afternoon.

“Nothing on the site has changed because of any reaction to the site,” said Edna Johnson, senior vice president for global communications for Burger King Corp., which is owned by private equity firm Texas Pacific Group. Mrs. Johnson said photo cutlines were written and then assigned randomly by computer software that as since been disabled. She said malfunctions in the Flash and XML programming were responsible for putting the “Groupies love the Coq” on the photos of the young women.

No complaints

Ms. Johnson said neither the marketer nor its agency, Crispin Porter, had been contacted by any groups. “We haven’t had any complaints. The site launched slightly more than 24 hours ago and the changes are typical of a new Web site that is being tweaked.” She added that a misspelling of Burger King had also been fixed.

But even industry insiders were surprised by the gaffe of the CoqRoq site, with some noting that the bar, first raised first by Burger King’s subservient chicken and later upped by the Paris Hilton erotic carwashing spot for CKE Restaurants’ Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr., has pushed the limits of what fast-food marketers will do for attention.

“There’s a fine line between getting the attention of the core target and risking offending the masses,” said Chris Carroll, senior vice president and director of marketing for Subway’s Franchisee Advertising Fund Trust.

The lead singer of Burger King’s fictitious rock band CoqRoq is named Fowl Mouth.

Ralph Norman Haber, partner, Human Factors Consultants, an expert on subliminal perception and subliminal advertising, said there’s nothing subliminal in the site or its advertising and that both males and females appear to be targeted equally.

“As far as I could see both sides of each one of these comes in for being the target,” he said. “Everybody is picked on and it”s kind of fair game. I think it’s probably an effective ad. From my point of view I thought it was very creative.”

However, outsiders are asking how a corporation of Burger King’s stature could have approved the use of such a concept.

‘Offensive in general to families’

“Just the name Coq Roq in general is offensive to families,” said Aliza Pilar Sherman, an authority and author on women and the Internet and founder of cybergrrl. “I can’t imagine if parents of a smaller child saw this. They’d say they don’t want their child exposed to this. Where do we as responsible individuals draw the line? Of course there’s freedom of speech but does that mean Burger King should be perpetuating stereotypes, negative attitudes and demeaning behavior to the market.”

“Burger King is perpetuating a crude type of stereotype,” agreed Dr. Martha Allen, director of the Women’s Institute for Freedom of the Press. “They’re serving junk stereotypes degrading and harmful to women.”

The fact they adjusted the site indicates “they’re crossing the line and they know it in some sense,” said Pat McGann, director of outreach for Men Can Stop Rape, a group that works with young men to foster healthy relationships with women. He called the entire site an example of material that confuses men about what it means to be a man.

Sexualizing fast food

“What kind of messages does this site send out, especially when it’s backed by a huge corporation?” he asked. “Ultimately, what it’s doing is sexualizing fast food.”