Category: ramblings

ramblings

Train Announcement

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“Ladies and gentlemen, please wait for another train which should be coming behind us. I know it’s crowded. But there is only so much room in my Cadillac. Stand clear of the closing doors.”

There is a definite slow down going on in the NYC Transit system. Do believe the hype. I for one am with the transit workers. The MTA should have taken half of its billion dollar surplus and used it for capital improvements and the other half should have gone to its workers. Then again, maybe they won’t strike. It’s so french.

Via the MTA (which may not be going my way very soon)

ramblings

Best of Blah blah blog: week of 12/5

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Chris has been on a posting frenzy and I wanted to share a few:

Jennifer Aniston’s boobies are on the net and there are many different sorts of law suits happening. The funny thing is that the suits came first – then the pics leaked. I used to think seeing a boob was a huge deal. Now, not so much. That isn’t to say that I don’t think these pics (if in fact real) are nice because they defintely are.

Welcome to adulthood: this Bat Mitzvah is 1000% over-the-top. MTV My Super Sweet 16 eat your fucking heart out.

Yes, Fox News aired this “I have the Power!” lights display last night. Yes its old. Yes a lot of people told me about it. Its still cool (like seeing a boob).

Via Chris

ramblings

My Friend The Travel Goon

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I met my good friend Brian for drinks last week to say goodbye and good luck to him before he left NYC (which he did today). As he puts it on his new blog Travel Goon, “Me and 2 of my friends quit our jobs and are going on a world trek. Jobs are overrated anyway.” I couldn’t agree more, though I do kind of need to keep working right now and for the foreseeable future.

He has a simple plan. He bought a one-way ticket to Fiji, is staying at the Fiji Beach House and will return to the good ol’ U S of A when, um, I don’t know. Maybe when he’s ready. Maybe when the money runs out. No one knows, especially him. As Lao Tzu said, “A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” I’m just hoping that he stays in one place long enough so that I can fly out to meet him there. I’m also looking forward to reading all about the adventures he has as he gallavants around the globe.

Godspeed Brian.

ramblings

W Got Google bombed

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Yesterday, Jessie sent me a classic google bomb and while I have seen it before, it continues to make me laugh.

  1. Type in the word “failure” into Google’s search box
  2. Click on the “I’m Feeling Lucky!” button
  3. See what happens

If case you are scratching your head over the term, here is a definition:

Google bomb – a certain attempt to influence the ranking of a given page in results returned by the Google search engine. Due to the way that Google’s PageRank algorithm works, a page will be ranked higher if the sites that link to that page all use consistent anchor text. A Google bomb is created if a large number of sites link to the page in this manner. Google bomb is used both as a verb and a noun.

Google bombing is also why you see stupid non-sensical comments advertising all sorts of naughty things (you know, sex, drugs and not too often rock n’ roll) on my site almost daily. These are known as comment spam and they have forced me scrub my site daily which annoys me to no end. All comment spammers should die a painful death followed by spending an eternity in hell. Wow. I went dark there for a minute didn’t I? Speaking of dark, I wonder which government agency picked up this post because of the title. Maybe there is now a file on me. Just food for thought.
Via Jessie

ramblings

Pizza Pizza

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Yesterday marked the 100th anniversary of pizza “officially” being in America. On November 14th, 1905 New York City granted Lombardi’s Brick Oven Pizzeria a license to operate, making it the first pizzeria not only in New York City but in all of America as well. I for one love pizza and think that this auspicious occasion should be celebrated by one and all. Here are a few reasons why:

  • It is everywhere, its quick and its convenient. Doesn’t matter what time of day it is – if you are hungry, there is a pizzeria nearby and you’ll have a slice in your belly in no time flat.
  • It is like sex – even when its bad its good.
  • It contains all 5 food groups in one tasty slice: grains (the dough), fruits & vegetables (the sauce), dairy and calcium-rich foods (the cheese), proteins (if in fact you get sausage, pepperoni or chicken on your slice) and fats and oils (the stuff that turns 2-3 napkins translucent).
  • It is the perfect compromise: “You want to cook?” “Not really.” “You want Chinese?” “Nah.” “Thai?” “Nah.” “Italian?” “Eh, not really.” “Well, what about just pizza then?” “Pizza? Yeah, I can do that…”
  • It is a good indicator of inflation. A slice of pizza almost always mirrors the cost of a subway ride. Going back to when a slice was a nickel, economists have shown that the slice of a piece of pizza and a ride on the subway have remained almost equal for the last 100 years. When you see a slice of regular pizza hit $2.25 or $2.50, look out for an MTA fare hike. For about a year a plain slice was $2.00 while the subway was only $1.50 a ride so I knew something was coming and sure enough, the MTA raised the fares. Coincidence? I think not.
  • Some of the best commercials have been for pizza. Any of these ring a bell? “Avoid the Noid.” “Regular price, Four bucks, Four bucks.” “Its not delivery, its DiGiorno.” And don’t get me started on the Little Caesar’s commercials. In fact, I’m going to try and hunt down my favorite pizza commercials and post them here.

If you have any other reasons why you think pizza is so fantastic, post a comment and let me know. If you don’t like pizza, I want to hear from you too because I just don’t see how that is possible…

ramblings

Just End The Season

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The J-E-T-S suck suck suck this year and I believe that “Jets” should stand for “Just End The Season” because things have gotten pretty bad out there on the old gridiron. If you haven’t driven by the traffic accident that is the New York Jets 2005 season, let me tell you its pretty ugly and painful to watch.

I love American Football and will watch my beloved Jets regardless of how well or poorly they are doing. I have for almost 2 decades now but this season, one that started with so much promise, is especially disappointing. This is the season that my wife decided a December football game at the Meadowlands sounds like a good idea (keep in mind that she hates the cold). This is the season that she asked me to get her a Jets jersey. This is the season that the Jets were finally going to make it back to the Super Bowl. Now, with another 7 games to play, I’m simply praying for a good draft. At least I’m in a fantasy league and doing relatively well to boot. Ah fantasy – almost always better than reality…

ramblings

Bat Boy Lives

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A few weeks back I was contacted and asked if I had ever heard of the Weekly World News and if I had any interest in reviewing their new soon to be published compendium. Of course I knew WWN, a shining example of yellow journalism in action, and got very excited about my first foray into “official” journalism. A week ago I received the book and yesterday, I chatted for about 20 minutes with David Perel, the author of
“Bat Boy Lives: The Weekly World News Guild to Politics, Culture, Celebrities, Alien Abductions, and the Mutant Freaks that Shape our World.” Here it is folks, the very first “We’re Going to Cover That in Phase 2” interview! Enjoy.

JL: First things first, I’m sure my readers want to know simply: Do you take any of the WWN stories that seriously?

DP: Absolutely, you have to because if you don’t you can’t live in this universe.

JL: Really?

DP: If I did, I would be wearing one of those special jackets.

JL: You just totally contradicted yourself.

DP: Maybe.

JL: Okay. So my next question is this: Does Bat Boy really exist?

DP: Of course he exists, my god where have you been? He came from a cave – have you been living in one?

JL: Point taken. Are there aliens walking among us?

DP: Yeah, in fact a recent issue of WWN details that most settled in San Fran – makes sense if you’ve seen the inhabitants of that city or if you’ve dined there. The aliens must have brought good cuisine with them which explains the great restaurants.

JL: We talked about Bat Boy and Aliens. Let’s talk about another rarely seen creature, the compassionate conservative – have you seen one as well?

DP: I haven’t, though theoretically one is possible considering that there are dinosaurs still alive.

JL: When did you introduce Hilary Clinton to her alien lover P’lod?

DP: God, I can’t remember. Early 90s first term. Don’t know the exact date, sorry. Bill was quite jealous. P’lod has a lot of political clout, I mean, he has correctly predicted every election since 1980.

JL: In what setting where they introduced?

DP: I can’t really remember.

JL: Is she still seeing him and if so, is he advising Hilary on policy issues?

DP: No question he is helping her towards a run in 2008. I’m sure she’ll name a human campaign manager but in truth its P’lod running things behind the scenes.

JL: Back to the book. How many copies is the company looking to sell? What is the company’s expectation?

DP: Definitely an Oprah “Book of the Month” selection. Should be in the running for the Pulitzer and I think it will sell couple hundred thousand copies at least.

JL: Are there plans for a sequel or have you used up all up your material?

DP: There are talks in the works. There is a lot of material since the paper appear around since 1979 so we’ll see.

JL: Who do you consider are this book’s greatest competitors?

DP: War and Peace is pretty much it. There are really only 2 literary classics and we are a much quicker read. That guy who wrote War and Peace doesn’t have staying power. Plus, he’s got to make up his mind. War or peace, not both. It shows a lack of focus.

JL: If your book was a dish, what would it be?

DP: I hate questions like this. I don’t know. Linguini with white clam sauce.

JL: Good clams or bad?

DP: Good.

JL: Another food question: Which do you prefer, Mounds and Almond Joy?

DP: Mounds.

JL: Really?

DP: Wait. Which is in the one with almonds?

JL: Almond Joy. You know, ‘Sometimes you feel like a [I made a “honk” sound effect], sometimes you made a “clang” sound effect]’

DP: Almond Joy? Yeah, definitely Almond Joy. You have feel like a nut to do this.

JL: You also wrote Freak!: Inside the Twisted World of Michael Jackson. Who is a bigger freak, Michael Jackson or Bat Boy?

DP: I don’t think there is any question. Bat Boy wants to be accepted by society. Bat Boy never had a sleep over with anyone under the age of 14. Bat Boy never considered cosmetic surgery. Bat Boy has never referred to wine as “Jesus juice.” Bat Boy talks with normal human and looks like he does when born.

JL: Switching gears now. What effect has Photoshop had in terms of the authenticity of your photos?

DP: It was created more opportunities to do more things.

JL: Okay. What written piece are you most proud of?

DP: I wrote a great poem but unfortunately somebody has written one incredibly similar and he gets credit for it instead of me – I think his nameis T.S. Elliot

JL: If you were stranded on a desert island and could only have one book, which one would it be?

DP: The Bat Boy book of course! I have a serious short term memory deficit so every time I open it its brand new to me.

JL: Last, to wrap up, pretend I’m a publisher who has got all sort of advance money to throw around. Say the quarter is ending and I’ve got to clear my books. Basically, if you pitch me a good book idea I’ll give you money to write it. What would you pitch me?

DP: Hmm. (About 10 seconds go by as he thinks about). Hmm. I don’t know. You know what? I’ve got nothing. I probably would just take out my .357 and take your money. Armed robbery is a viable solution in that case.

When we started the interview, David scanned my blog and one comment he said to me was, “I think you spelled ‘Hashanah’ wrong in one of your previous posts. You have two S’s in it and I think it should be ‘sh.'” I just love getting spelling and grammar comments from a man who claims to have snorkeled with the Loch Ness Monster’s baby, especially when the he’s right. Even though there are about 10 different spellings, I’m pretty sure mine is on not of the approved list.

At the end of the interview, I told him that he should please check back on my site to read the interview once I post it and to post a comment if he feels that I got anything wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to tape the interview – I merely tried to take great notes. I also told him that he should post comments on other posts as well, even if they are just grammar comments like the one he made on Tidbits. Speaking more about the Jewish New Year, I told him, “My favorite joke about the Jewish holidays is that “Every Jewish holiday boils down to ‘They tried to kill us, they didn’t, let’s eat.'” He laughed and said, “That reminds of my favorite Jewish joke. Q: Why don’t Jews play the piano? A: Because you can’t pick up the piano and run.” I had a nice laugh and said good bye. Once you are swapping Jewish jokes, even though I never went to J-school I think I can pretty safely say that the interview is officially over.

I would like to thank DP, FSB Associates and Jeffery Anderson for making themselves and their book available to me. Hopefully when they have another book that needs to be reviewed, they’ll look me up again.

ramblings

Shocker: Wal-Mart is Bad

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In unsurprising news, 9 prominent economists say that Wal-Mart “causes wages to fall for workers in towns where it operates, depresses pay for unskilled laborers and increases Medicaid costs.”

What is surprising is that Wal-Mart paid these people to conduct the study. It is part of a campaign to address criticism of the wages, health care benefits, and workplace policies for its 1.2 million employees. Wal-Mart has recently hired several former political strategists to help the company improve its image because lets face it, Wal-Mart’s image sucks right now (rightfully so).