Month: March 2011

humor

"NJ drove me nuts!" says lawsuit

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What a birthday day treat! The NY Post reported yesterday that an Elie Tahari manager exiled to New Jersey is demanding $2M for ‘anguish.’ To quote the article, Thomas Horodecki, 36, said:

“It was the smog. It was depressing driving to Jersey, the traffic was horrendous on Route 4, and they are pretty bad drivers. The stores are kind of cheesy for the most part. New York City has everything when it comes to fashion, especially Saks. And when it comes to styling, let’s just say Jersey is difficult. Fashion it is not!”

Horodecki claims that in December, his depression drove him to leave work on disability.
This is a pretty ridiculous lawsuit but I can understand where he is coming from. As I’ve said many times to many people, I’m a New Yorker who happens to live in New Jersey. I’ll need to still be living here full time when I’m 67 to consider myself a New Jerseyite and that isn’t going to happen. Route 4 traffic sucks. If he wins his lawsuit, I may sue my family for making me live here…
I kid, I kid!

humor

Honey Badger

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The Honey Badger is the most fearless of animals – it just doesn’t give a shit.

Happy Friday!
Via Anthony

sports

I'm With The Players

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Sports are a distraction from reality. Food, clothing and shelter, the three necessities in life, they are not. You do get some exercise which contributes towards “good health” (unless you have a heart condition but those instances are thankfully rare) so that is a positive but when considering Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I’d say that sports fall in in the “self-actualization” stage for most.
Professional sports are even more of a distraction – they are a luxury. When I was an undergraduate, I stopped spending my money on Sports Illustrated and started a subscription to National Geographic in part because I came to realize how “trivial” pro-sports really were. There were much more important things going on the world to learn about than who was favored to win the Big East that year. What I knew to be true then still is true today.
Now, after years of watching – and loving – modern day gladiators battle each fall Sunday for my enjoyment, and watching the scores of “Real Sports” specials on the trauma that befalls former NFL players, I have to say that first off, even though that I do love football, I will not suffer from any sort of depression if the upcoming 2011 NFL season is cancelled. Football is a luxurious distraction for me – it is not something I need. Second, while we are on the topic of the current work stoppage, I will go on the record and say that I am 100% on the player’s side in this impasse.
I wholehearted agree with Howard Bryant’s ESPN article about the current NFL work stoppage. He said,

What will the fans do with this power? Will they take the old, tired positions and blame the players, calling them greedy for wanting to be a true business partner? Will they take the “shut up and play” position we’ve seen so many times during previous labor impasses across American sports?
Saying players should be grateful to be paid millions for playing a kid’s game is, at its worst, an unsophisticated position, for professional sports is not a kid’s game. Kid’s games don’t charge $75 to park, or $1,200 per ticket to attend the championship game. Kid’s games don’t generate $9 billion in revenue.
It is this expectation of unsophistication that at least in part emboldens owners to force labor unrest onto the public, for they believe the fans’ wrath will always be levied worse against the players. And they have often been correct in this assumption.

Normally, I only post a short quote or two from an article and then link to it. In this instance, I think the article’s words are so powerful they deserve to be pulled forward. So, here is another quote from the article:

The public tends to blame the player because it believes the cadre of ownership has more legitimate skills than simply being able to run really fast. Fans think that Robert Kraft is taking more of a risk (because he has the money) than, say, Peyton Manning.
But today, following the Year of the Concussion, the suicides of Andre Waters and Dave Duerson, the startling and disturbing medical evidence that the sport is contributing to depression, and the statistics that NFL offensive linemen live 18 years less than the average American male, who would suggest that players risk less?

I suggest you read the rest of the article. I feel for everyone who will miss a paycheck during this work stoppage, from the players to all the support staff – the personal trainers, marketing executives and everyone in between. I also feel strongly that the owners do not have a product without the players and that they should stop thinking about dollars and start thinking about the people that enable them to generate those dollars.
The main issues that separate the players and the owners right now are about how the players want to (rightfully) be compensated for the rigors and harm that they do to their bodies, their families and their lives for playing this brutal sport. The average NFL career is about 3 years. Most players have non-guaranteed contracts. It is a very true statement that no one is putting a gun to anyone’s head and saying “Play football or else!” but at the same time, the players aren’t looking for more than their fair share, just their fair share. So, I’m with the players. I’m with labor. I hope you are too.

Uncategorized

Best Einstein Quote of the Week? Year?

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Einstein had lots of great quotes, such as the famous “I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice” which is commonly paraphrased as “God doesn’t play dice.” I received one today though that might be favorite yet:

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its entire life thinking it’s stupid.

Wee!
Wee!

The quote then made me think of something that my Yoga instructor said when I took Yoga for undergraduate gym credits. Her statement, which I’ve taken with me through life since the that time, can summed up in the following manner:

“Picture someone reading a book on the beach. Picture a fish in the water swimming near the shore. The fish has no ability to read, or even know what a book is. That being said, it doesn’t mean that the book doesn’t exist or that Shakespeare isn’t wonderful.”

I often invoke that phrase when trying to explain something that is outside my realm of comprehension, like parallel universes, God, etc. I use it to sum up the idea that “just because we can’t understand or even comprehend something doesn’t mean that it isn’t there.” The Einstein quote is sort of the same but reversed. It’s tremendous!
Via Anthony

art

Star Wars Photo Fantasies

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I’ve been meaning to post this for a few month’s now. The artist Cedric Delsaux uses his own pictures of cityscapes as the backgrounds for sci-fi fantasies and then digitally inserts Star Wars film characters into his urban realms. The artist’s Dark Lens series started out with his views of warehouses, harbors, and industrial spaces in the suburbs of Paris. He found those pictures a little too ordinary so he then added Darth Vader, R2-D2, Jabba the Hutt, and other Star Wars figures and vehicles to the settings and presto: they were suddenly fantastic!
Cedric Delsaux's "Dark Lens"
From Paris he continued the series in Lille — a medieval city in France — and then Dubai. In case you were wondering, he had the blessing of George Lucas (which has been notoriously tough to get in the past). While the gallery show at Galerie ACTE 2 in Paris is now over, the first link in this post shows you 15 different and great photos. Enjoy.
Via Flavorwire

humor

A Winning Lexicon

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First off, I like many people, such as Darren Franich at Entertainment Weekly am completely and utterly obsessed with Mr. Charlie Sheen. Franich nailed by writing,

“In just a matter of days, Sheen has already become a kind of Internet Megameme — he’s like the perfect combination of Chuck Norris and the Double Rainbow guy, with just a touch of Dramatic Chipmunk.

Speaking of the megameme, he claimed a twitter account and in only a single day amassed over 1,000,000 followers. I just logged in and am following him and he’s now up to 1,076,858 followers. I now use Twitter to follow Phish’s set lists as they happen and Sheen’s words.
Next, keeping the winning theme going, Judy Berman at “Flavorpill” has been nice enough to compile of list of all the winning words and phrases that Charlie Sheen has uttered recently. As she put it,

His language is a thing of wonder, oscillating between slang we haven’t heard since the early ’90s, hybrid terms ripped from the pages of fantasy novels, and words he has completely and totally re-appropriated (e.g., “winning”).

His phrases blow “I’m taking my talents to South Beach” completely out of the water. I have already started to use a few of his phrases in my own life and already am winning more than I used to. I know that it’s too bad that no one else but me can be on the drug known as Jeff Lipson but that’s for everyone’s benefit, because obviously you wouldn’t be able to handle it – your face would melt off and your children would weep over your exploded body.
So, without further ado, the words and wisdom of Mr. Sheen:
Adonis DNA
n. Along with tiger blood, the building blocks of a Charlie Sheen.
“I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”
Bitchin’
adj. Beyond awesome.
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.” (Paging David Bowie — don’t you own that one, bro?)
Charlie Sheen
n. Totally bitchin’, incredibly expensive drug that will probably kill you.
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
Cryptology
n. The science of understanding WTF is going on with Charlie Sheen.
“Read behind the frickin’ hieroglyphics… this is cryptology.”
Duh
n. A term that gained popularity in the last two decades of the 20th century meaning, roughly, “Everybody knows that.”
“Duh, winning! It’s, like, guys, IMDb right there, 62 movies and a ton of success. I mean, c’mon bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. I wasn’t even warm.”
Gnarly
adj. Intense, fucked up.
“[I]t got so gnarly that Stan just went, ‘I’m out.’ That’s fine. That’s how I roll. And if it’s too gnarly for people, then buh-bye. There’s the freakin’ door, you know?”
Goddess
n. One of two women who fell from the heavens (or the strip-club stage, whatever) to fulfill Sheen’s every need.
“I’m not saying that it’s not true. But I’m laughing. And I’m laughing with the goddesses, I’m laughing with my friends.”
Mercury surfboard
n. Charlie Sheen’s vehicle of choice.
“It’s been a tsunami of media. And I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard. Right off the bat, sorry.”
Troll
n. Person who has Twitter account and/or understands how to use the internet.
“You look at some of these retarded zombies, these trolls that roll out of there and heading back for the rock to crawl back under before the sun peeks out — and they’re putting so much stock into the words and the thoughts and, as I have said, the gibberish of fools, and not checking anything with me.”
Warlock
n. Male witch, like Charlie Sheen.
“We are high priest Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom! Print that, people.”
Winning
n. The only thing Charlie Sheen is addicted to. Widely believed to be a more potent form of crack cocaine.
“I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t just perfect and just winning every second, and I’m not just perfect and bitchin’ and just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn.”

movies

Winning!

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I’ve gone from “not caring” to “totally obsessed” with Charlie Sheen in the past 36 hours. While its been proven that he hasn’t had any “foreign substances” in his body for the past 72 hours, I think that whatever toxins he’s been putting into his system for the past few years are just leeching out now and making him flat out crazy. That being said, I cannot decide if it’s crack or meth that is driving his craziness. My co-worker thinks its crack based on his gravelly voice. Regardless of what is driving his quotes and antics, I must say that they are awfully entertaining (his anti-Semitic diatribe aside). For instance, I’m never going to look at the term “winning!” the same way again.
My favorite quotes of his thus far are:

  • “I am on a drug, it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
  • “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
  • “What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party. It was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards just look like droopy-eyed armless children.”

In case you’ve been in a hole, here are a few Sheen related news links for you to catch up on what’s been happening. These articles will have “related news” links at the bottom that you can click through to read up on all of the nuttiness…