space

Space News

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I had a fitful night’s rest last night, woke up twice early this morning and each time turned on the tele to see if Discovery made it back okay. Due to bad weather, we’ll all have to wait until tomorrow to see. My friend Phyllis asked, “I wonder if the wee hours were on purpose, or just orbit-related” and you know what? I’m wondering the same thing…

In other space news, I found on Chris’s site an excellent analysis of the shuttle program, it’s limited success, and its multiple shortcomings written by one Maciej Ceglowski. If you are at all interested in space, its a fascinating read.

Phyll sent me to a Smoking Gun post about a memo William Safire wrote in 1969 which provided a speech for President Nixon to read in case Armstrong and Aldren were stranded on the moon. Just like the SG, I find the “widows-to-be” part morbidly amusing.

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I’m Gonna Get Medieval On Yo Ass

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It seems that Michigan resident Robert McClain thought that his four-foot sword, chainmail armored vest, leather gauntlets and giant wooden mallet would be able to best the local police department.

“I’m gonna crush your fucking skulls,” Michigan resident Robert McClain warned police officers when they trailed him to his home after an auto accident. “I have a thousand years of power.”

It seems that a non-enchanted taser is more powerful than all of those put together, millennium worth of power be damned.

Thanks Phyl

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Who Doesn't Love Sexually Loaded Yiddishisms?

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The NY Times has an interesting article today about Krazy Tyrone, ne Paul Krohn, who is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look, it is derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker) the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers.

After the jump, read the full article about this latest “last of a dying breed.”

August 5, 2005

From the Catskills’ Last House Jester, Kosher Corn

By Andrew Jacobs

MONTICELLO, N.Y., Aug. 3 – Blanche Pearlman and Mary Borack were moving slowly through the lobby of Kutsher’s Country Club on their way to bingo when they were ambushed by the man in the tutti-frutti-patterned Spandex unitard, striped leggings and gold Star of David around his neck.

“Nice purse, ladies,” said the man, known in these parts as Krazy Tyrone. “You got some Danish in there?” They tried to wave him off, but Krazy Tyrone is not so easily thwarted. “Do you believe in sex before marriage?” he asked. “I don’t,” came the answer before they could respond. “It holds up the wedding.”

He had just started telling Mrs. Pearlman that she was so sweet that she could give a man diabetes when the public address system ruined his punch line.

“Alfred Silverman to the front desk. Alfred Silverman to the front desk.”

The momentary distraction gave the women a chance to escape and Krazy Tyrone was left to find other victims, including a corpulent man with a cane who was told: “You’re a nice advertisement for Kutsher’s food. You’re eating like you’re going to the electric chair.”

For the last two decades, Krazy Tyrone’s life has been an unending cascade of ribald one-liners, sexually loaded Yiddishisms and of course, a daily Simon Sez tournament where the come-on is $1,000 in moist prize money that’s kept wadded up in his sock. “I’m so good, no one has ever won,” he said pulling out a harmonica and playing “Oh Susannah” with his right nostril.

A startlingly flamboyant man who moves like Pee-wee Herman on amphetamines, Krazy Tyrone, n� Paul Krohn, is the last of the Catskills “tummlers,” the in-house jesters whose sole job is to keep hotel guests amused before, during and after the all-you-can eat meals. When he is not playing host to trivia contests or demonstrating his jump-rope prowess by the pool, Mr. Krohn can be found at one of the hotel’s Ping-Pong tables playing with the skillet or rubber hand he keeps stowed in his duffel bag of tricks. When bored, he’ll have other staff members take photos of him hamming it up next to guests who have fallen asleep on one of the hotel’s many sofas. “Hey lady,” he’ll shout across the cavernous lobby. “How did Captain Hook die? He had jock itch and scratched himself with the wrong hand.” Many of his favorite quips, most of them unprintable, involve breasts.

Mr. Krohn’s occupation is unique to the borscht belt, where hundreds of hotels and bungalow colonies competed for the affections of the millions of New York City Jews who made the Catskills their summer refuge before air-conditioning, cheap airfare and changing tastes drained the region of its lifeblood.

The hotel tummler (pronounced TOOM-ler, with the oo as in look) was often a steppingstone to bigger careers in comedy. Alan King, Danny Kaye, Billy Crystal, Jerry Lewis and Jackie Mason all got their start as tummlers. Others, like Mr. Krohn, 49, never left the mountains, although he makes frequent freelance appearances at nearby Hasidic bungalow colonies or at lavish bar mitzvahs in New Jersey, where his Simon Sez challenge is a big draw. “I like to frustrate spoiled Jewish kids,” he said grinning. “They all think they’re so smart but no one ever lasts a minute.”

Before he was hired at Kutsher’s in 1986, he worked at Grossinger’s, until that hotel went the way of countless other borscht belt landmarks. Although a handful of big hotels survive, none of the others have a full-time entertainer. “I’m the last of the great tummlers,” Mr. Krohn said as he slipped a whoopee cushion beneath the bottom of an unsuspecting guest. “After I go, that’s it.”

During the apex of Catskill culture in the 1940’s, 50’s and 60’s, as many as 100 hotels employed tummlers, who would work in exchange for room and board and a modest salary. Part resident comic, part activities director, part hotel cheerleader, the tummler – derived from the Yiddish word for noisemaker – was expected to field guest complaints, organize talent shows, jump into the pool fully clothed or dash screaming through the lobby pursued by a knife-wielding chef.

Mr. Krohn is seemingly beloved by the regulars at Kutsher’s, although Mark Kutsher, who runs the sprawling 400-room place with his mother, Helen, winces at some of Mr. Krohn’s more off-color antics. “Sometimes I’m afraid of what he’s going to say,” he said, as Mr. Krohn darted through the lobby, late as usual, to Simon Sez.

June Macklin, a retired business owner from Queens who has been vacationing in the Catskills for five decades, said Mr. Krohn was part of the reason she kept coming back. “It’s a compulsion, this culture,” she said. Then glancing around the nearly deserted pool, she added, “and it’s dying before our very eyes.”

Mr. Krohn, too, is addicted to the place, although he has ambitions for greater stardom. Raised in Utica, N.Y., and trained as a special education teacher, he took a job at Grossinger’s at age 25 and became the assistant to Lou Goldstein, the self-proclaimed king of Simon Sez. One day when Mr. Goldstein had a nasty bout of sciatica, Mr. Krohn filled in for him and guests began clamoring for his absurdist style.

An exercise fanatic who runs and lifts weights daily, Mr. Krohn became a jump-rope superstar, landing in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most skips (332) per minute. He also excels at table tennis – he was once nationally rated – and can speak eight languages and offer up facts about world capitals, American presidents and other arcana with the rapid-fire delivery of an auctioneer. (“There are 360 dimples on a golf ball, 119 grooves on a quarter, 1,752 steps on the Eiffel Tower. …”)(Actually, there are 1,665 steps, according to the tower’s official Web site.)

His other hobby is being a compulsive flirt, and some of his most prized possessions are his snapshots of comely guests and seasonal hotel employees. He was married once, to a Briton who he says left him after she got her green card, and he still pines for a woman who died in a car accident many years ago. “I haven’t loved anyone since,” he said. Most nights, when everyone else is asleep, he takes her photo to the hill behind the golf course and stares at the sky for hours. He rarely sleeps more than two hours a night, he says, and refuels with quick naps between acts.

Home is a small room at the hotel, its walls covered with lime green shag carpeting, its closets stuffed with tools of the trade: a screechy violin, a battery-powered dancing rabbi and a dog-eared ventriloquist’s dummy named T. J. Justin Sinclair. There is also a Hershey’s Kiss outfit, 42 pairs of running shoes and a photo of him urinating behind the Hollywood home of Joan Collins. “I’m not normal,” he said, deadpan.

He is, by his own description, a melancholy man, albeit a good actor who can shine on cue. “I think about suicide a lot,” he said, sitting in his room during a break in his funnyman routine. “My final quest is to get on the Letterman show and then I’ll have nothing to live for.”

There was not much time for self-pity, however. A busload of elderly women had just arrived and Mr. Krohn was expected at a 3:45 p.m. event headlined “Trivia Time With Krazy Tyrone, the Master of Memory.” Realizing he was late again, he dropped the dummy, pulled on a red, white and blue spangled outfit and headed out the door dragging his duffel bag. “Hey lady,” he shouted at the first person he saw, “You got a Danish in that purse?”

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The List

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In college, my roommate Bryan introduced me to The List. The List is not something you want to be on, like People Magazine’s List of the 50 Sexiest People. Anything can make its way onto The List – it doesn’t matter if it is a person, place or thing. Adding something to The List is not done lightly either, for once added, the entry is permanent. While there are many things that may annoy you in life, only the truly special annoyances make it to The List. I try to keep my list as short as possible because it can get out of hand, like when Bryan and I added half of Binghamton University to The List one night at an after hours party. Use this concept with caution.

Today, I am adding bobblehead talkers to my list. You know who they are, the ones that say something and then nod over and over again as they say it, trying to convince you (or is it themselves?) about the validity of their statement. To me, it whiffs of condescension and is insulting – I do not need a prod in order to engage in a conversation. If I agree with you, I will agree and vice versa. A head nodding up and down will not sway my decision. Rather, it reminds me of how foreigners says “uh huh” at the end of every English sentence. My guide in the Monteverde Cloud Forest did this over and over again as he narrated our walk. “This is a walking stick. Uh huh. Over there, you can see a thrush. Uh huh. Hear it? Uh huh.” It was his way of saying “Yes? Am I right? Do you understand?” because he was unsure if he said it right. If you are a bobblehead talker, then you probably aren’t sure of yourself either. Stop letting the world in on your secret.

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The Birth of Jessie

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August 3 is the 215th day of the year in the Gregorian Calendar (216th in leap years), with 150 days remaining. It is also Jessie’s birthday and in honor of this auspicious occasion, I have compiled a number of stats about today:

Notable Events:
1492 – The Jews of Spain are expelled by the Catholic Monarchs.
1492 – Christopher Columbus sets sail from Palos de la Frontera, Spain (with a few Jews on board no less – in fact, a little known fact is that Luis de Torres, one of the five Jews onboard, was the first man ashore)
1946 – National Basketball Association was founded in the US.
1983 – New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield accidentally killed a seagull during a baseball game and was charged by police for his “act of cruelty to animals”. His manager Billy Martin quipped, “It’s the first time he’s hit the cutoff man.”

Notable Birthdays:
1811 – Elisha Graves Otis, elevator inventor
1924 – Leon Uris, American novelist (he wrote Exodus among others)
1926 – Tony Bennett, singer
1941 – Martha Stewart, home economist

Stats courtesy of Wikipedia

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The Only 2 Special Guest Voices on the Simpsons, Ever.

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I don’t remember how I ended up at the Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers site today and I really don’t care. Of course I loved it and poked around for a while. I even gained some more knowledge about my favorite yellow family that I felt like sharing. In the FAQ section, there is a question “Who are Sam Etic and John Jay Smith, and why were they credited as special guest voices?”

The answer is that “Sam Etic” (a play on ‘semitic’) is really Dustin Hoffman. He played Mr. Bergstrom in Lisa’s Subsitute in season 2. “John Jay Smith” is really Michael Jackson. He did the “Michael Jackson” voice for mental patient Leon Kompowski in Stark Raving Dad in season 3, although his singing was done by session vocalist Kipp Lennon, since Jackson’s record company forbade him from singing himself. Both performers could not use their names because of contractual obligations.

This was pointed out in a meta-reference in the season 4 episode Itchy and Scratchy: The Movie, when Lisa mentions that Hoffman and Jackson had guest roles in the movie: “Of course they didn’t use their real names, but you could tell it was them!”

After Stark Raving Dad, Matt Groening, fearing a trend, would only let guest stars on if they used their real names.

I always thought that it was MJ in that episode but never had 100% confirmation. Now I do. Yay.